Now, I really liked band. I played the alto saxophone. I was pretty good at it too. I wish that I had been better at the piano because apparently piano players are much better to have in worship bands. I mean, I don't see Kenny G doing much work for the CCM industry. Regardless, I love(d) saxophone. I thought that I could possibly do it in the future. In middle school, I had thought that I could play the saxophone in some band in college to help pay for tuition or whatever. But all that changed in high school. I had a band director that said something to me that has stuck with me.
He said something that he probably didn't know had a lot of weight. He might have said it flippantly, but it deeply affected me.
I was goofing around one time with one of my friends at band practice, and he pulled me aside saying, "I expect more out of you since you're a pastor's kid..."
I don't think he knew what he was saying. He probably was trying to motivate me into being a better leader on and off the practice field, but he did the opposite. Single-handedly, this band director killed my love for music. At least, my involvement in it. I couldn't pick up a saxophone, piano, or sing without thinking about this dude.
I quit the marching band for my senior year, and it was probably one of the best decisions that I made. I no longer had to worry about my last weeks of summer being consumed with band camp. I didn't have to go to bed early on Friday nights in order to wake up for Saturday morning drill. I didn't have to sweat in those less than ideal band uniforms every Friday night. I was free.
But I still had this desire to do music.
Because there's something that happens whenever I "do" music. Any time I sing, play an instrument, or anything like that, there's a heightened sense of intimacy that is hard to put into words.
I experience the presence of God whenever I sing. Naturally, or supernaturally, this led into a love for worship. But there was so much baggage. The band director really did a number on me, and he shouldn't have. He was just some dude saying something really stupid, but it just left a sour taste in my mouth for all things music related.
It hasn't been until recently, like the past two or so years, where I have felt free from this baggage. I feel like I can finally worship God without thinking about my loathing for piano or the comment the band director made. I feel free.
And worship is great.
In the Greek, it's proskuneó translated into "worship, lay prostrate, kiss the palm, fall down" etc. It's a dative verb meaning that the pros is a direction. It is "to" or "toward." When I worship, I am setting myself toward God. I am laying myself down to God's ways. I can easily hold onto baggage and limit my ability to worship God fully, but I am doing more of a disservice to myself. I am orienting myself inwardly rather than placing myself towards God. When I worship, I surrender. When I sing praises to God, I am not praising myself. I'm not doing it for myself, but I reap so many benefits in worshipping God. I once told one of my friends that the majority of my theological understanding of God is through worship songs. This is why I place a high priority on worship. I am not the object of my own praise. I connect to God through my worship, and God connects to me. So, I'm going to lovingly disagree with Victoria Osteen and say that I worship God because God is worthy of my praise; I'm not doing it for myself. I'm doing it because God is higher than me. And hey, maybe one day I might pull out the old saxophone and play for God. The saxophone might become the next big worship instrument. You never know.
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