Everything is changed

I get asked a lot by friends, family, and even strangers, "You're in seminary? Do you really believe all that God stuff?" 

Yes, I do believe in all that God stuff.

Have I always? Not really.

I grew up in the church with my parents being church planters, so I haven't really known what it was like to live a life outside of "the faith." I'm using "the faith" to signify it as an object, entity, or idea. It is different to live in "the faith" than to have "faith."

I didn't come to have "faith" until later on in my life, so it is a little bit gray for me to explain it because I'm not exactly sure when the objective "faith" became my subjective "faith." All I know is that something happened, like a spark or explosion or maybe just a ripple, but I knew that I could buy into this whole God thing. All I know is that there was this shift towards accepting a personal relationship with God. Something changed to where God was not just this divinity, someone or something to be studied, of those in "the faith," but I could come to believe and have "faith" for myself in God.

Like a snowball barreling down a mountain, my faith in God grew more and more. I was experiencing all the things that any new believer would. I was having the time of my life. Nothing seemed to hinder or tarnish my relationship with God. Everything was great. Everything was wonderful. And then that feeling wore off like one of those rub-on tattoos from Chuck-E-Cheese's. It was great for a little bit, and I had something cool to show my friends. They all would ooh and aw at my tattoo until three or four showers later, the tattoo resembled anything but its former glory.

My "faith" seemed to stagnate. It had no resemblance to that first instance of saying yes to "the faith." It was stale and boring and bland.

And it remained this way for a really long time. No one ever really told me that in order for me to grow in my "faith" that I had to exercise anything. I guess "faith" is an investment, but I never would have known. I just assumed that as I got older that I would automatically accumulate a better understanding and relationship with God.

I went to a Christian college for a variety of reasons, and it wasn't in order for me to grow in my relationship with God. It had an awesome financial aid package, close to my friends at state schools, close (but far enough) to my parents, and many others. But God had bigger plans for me. My little whim to go to a Christian school steered me in the right direction to foster a relationship with the Lord, and I was definitely not prepared for that.

I was actually overwhelmed when I first came to Lee University. With chapels twice a week, required Bible courses, a highly religious atmosphere, I don't know what I was expecting.

But that little decision to go to Lee, changed my trajectory for the better. I could have easily not had a relationship with God while there. I know plenty of people who went to Lee and did not grow spiritually. Not to say that their "faith" was directly affected by them being at Lee, but they chose not to live that way. Like any relationship, it's a choice. "The faith" can be something objective if not experienced.

For everything to change, it has to be a conscious decision. My "faith" is still my own because I allow it to be and choose to live in it. It's a daily task, like an ongoing pilgrim's progress, where I have to fan the flames in this relationship. And the beautiful thing about "faith" in God is that God is reciprocating. It's not I'm only doing the work or that God is only doing the work. Like it says in James, as I draw near to God, God will draw near to me. In order for me to have "faith" in "the faith" then I have to believe it.