Grace is sometimes messy

We seem to have a problem with grace. Or maybe it's just me. 

It's hard to face the fact that I'm not free. Jesus came to liberate me from captivity? Who's holding me? I thought I was free. I live a good life. I pay my taxes. 

You need to get your facts right. I don't need release from anything. I'm already free. 

This used to be my thinking: do good and get good. If I act right, think right, believe right, then surely God will bless me. 

Will. 

Key word. 

Instead of seeing that the ultimate blessing is in Christ. 

The ultimate gift is jesus himself. Jesus is grace. One of the messianic promises of Isaiah is that Jesus will be a deliverer. He will release us from the bondage of sin. That he will loose the chains of tyranny. That he will give hope to the broken hearted. Restore sight to the blind. Give orphans and widows a place to live. And that promise is fulfilled. Jesus says it is finished. All promises and agreements and dreams and fantasies are complete and perfect in Christ. 

Grace isn't distant. Grace isn't far away. Jesus is close. Jesus has made a way. 

It's hard to accept something that is hard to understand. And I don't know if I ever will. That's the scandal of grace. That's the great mystery. 

Why, oh God, did you choose in your freedom and liberty me? Some dude. Some guy. Some messed up and broken one. Why did you love me? Why do you love me? Grace. 

That might satisfy as an answer. Sure, there are loads of other theological and biblical responses and ideas about this loving God come down to earth in the person of Jesus. 

There are lots of ideas but I think I like grace the most. I have difficulty in getting it. I take it for granted. I hardly have enough grace for myself. I don't know how much help I really need. 

But I realize with teary eyes that my redeemer lives and that my Jesus loves and cherishes me. T

hank you for this mystery.  Thank you for your unfailing mercy. 

God, you meet me where I am and show me how loved I am by you. Thank you for grace. I don't get it. Don't know if I will. It might be a stumbling block sometimes. 

But you have already made up your mind to be a God for us. You're not against us. Grace makes me realize that I am broken and captive to the world but that grace sets me free.