Teach me how to follow

'People say, "What good does it do to point out the obvious?” A great deal of good; for we sometimes know facts without paying attention to them. Advice is not teaching; it merely engages the attention and rouses us, and concentrates the memory, and keeps it from losing grip. We miss much that is set before our very eyes. Advice is, in fact, a sort of exhortation. The mind often tries not to notice even that which lies before our eyes; we must therefore force upon it the knowledge of things that are perfectly well known.' Seneca, Ep. 94.25-26 transl. in Malherbe, 1986, 127.

I remember when I was young, and my mom used to always tell David and me to be the head and not the tail. Couple that with my dad's verse in Galatians to not seek the approval of men (if you want to read it in Galatians 1:10), and I was bound to be a leader or at least think like one. 

These little nuggets have been engrained on my psyche, and I've held onto them my entire life. I don't think being a follower is bad. Don't misread me. I just have never thought of myself as anything but a leader. Even when I was the follower, I imagined the ways that I would have done it differently. Like anytime that I've been on the worship team, I think about the songs that I would want to do. Or the plays I would call if I were the basketball team captain. Or ways to present business information better during other groups' presentations. I have always looked at whoever is in charge and imagined what I would do in that position...well, for all the positions that I actually imagined enjoying. I never once imagined myself as a doctor, teacher, accountant, etc. This imagining myself into the position only pertained to the things that I felt like I could do. I wasn't just looking at any leader and thinking that I could do it better. That would be narcissistic, and I definitely am not that... 

So when it comes to my Christian walk, I have always had a hard time following. I have had a hard time being led by God, surrendering to His will, doing what He wants me to do, and stifling my "leadership" qualities. 

The quote that I used in the beginning is by a smart Stoic philosopher. He argues that advice is a paraenetic device that tells the person something that they already know. The best advice is not some new wisdom; it is a gentle reminder of what you're supposed to do. 

Everyone already knows that to follow Christ means to follow Christ. To relinquish my control. To let go of what I feel like is the overarching theme of who Michael Sterns is. To deny my individuality. To stop being a leader and start being a follower. This is really hard for me. 

Believe me. I wouldn't follow anyone else. I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but it's a little difficult at times because my natural tendency is to lead. 

But it's a prayer that I must keep praying: Teach me how to follow.

33 Psalm 119:33 

Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes,
and I will observe it to the end.
34 Give me understanding, that I may keep your law
and observe it with my whole heart.
35 Lead me in the path of your commandments,
for I delight in it.
36 Turn my heart to your decrees,
and not to selfish gain.
37 Turn my eyes from looking at vanities;
give me life in your ways.
38 Confirm to your servant your promise,
which is for those who fear you.
39 Turn away the disgrace that I dread,
for your ordinances are good.
40 See, I have longed for your precepts;
in your righteousness give me life.