Stand still

2nd Chronicles 20:17 "You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.

I'm really struggling.

And I know that I'm not alone. I've seen my colleagues' Facebook posts and tweets and Instagrams and all those other fancy social media things.

This semester has been off to a running start from the beginning, and it's a little overwhelming. School-wise, it's actually all going okay. My classes are fine. I'm enjoying them for the most part and feel like I'm getting a grasp on the material. However, coupled with an internship an hour away, my life is super busy. I had a meeting with one of my professors the other day who told me that I looked tired. If a professor says that you look tired, God knows you probably are. Now, I know that this is kind of what I signed up for. I chose to go back to school. I chose to dedicate the next three years for spiritual formation and the praxis of ministry. I chose to do this.

But it's still super freaking hard. I feel like I'm getting pulled in so many different directions. Now, I do not feel like I'm being attacked because I don't feel like I'm under siege, but I sometimes wish that I had stockpiled some rest from this summer. 

In this verse, God is having this conversation with Jehoshaphat about this upcoming battle and war with the Moabites. And Ammonites. And Meunites. 

Needless to say, there's a lot of people out to fight, and Jehoshaphat is scared and rightfully so. 

Jehoshaphat is talking to this prophet who's the voice of the Lord who calms him down and speaks truth and life into the king.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded that God is on our side.

I'm a perfectionist and a control-freak, so my long term prayer for my life is to have God teach me how to follow. Still working on that. Probably going to be working on that for the majority of my life. But I need to allow God to do the work. 

I need to step back, regroup maybe, and let God run the show because at the end of the day, it's not about me. As much as I would love to be at the center of it all, I'm not. 

I'm just another guy. 

A guy who loves God, but I sometimes forget what it means to follow God. 

I often neglect that God, the God who created it all from the inchworm to the dolphin and amoeba, also formed and created me. God's eye is on the sparrow and is not leaving me for granted. God has not left me nor will God forsake me. 

Now, why am I trying to fight all these battles? Why am I still trying to win something that is not mine to win? Why am I constantly seeking for glory when only God is deserving of glory? 

I have to step back. Pause. Breathe. And let the Lord fight my battles. 

And there will be a time for me to rise up and do some work, but now is not the time. And even when it is time for me to fight, it's not my own strength and abilities that allows me to persevere. It's Christ in me. In the words of St. Patrick: 

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
By Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Amen and amen. Let it be, Lord.